Coble is Dirk (A Stiles Production)

For about five minutes or so, I was focused on studying for my exams that I have tomorrow. I haven’t picked up a book in a couple of months and I thought tonight would be my opportunity. But then I saw Northwestern was beating Michigan State and even more amazingly Kevin Coble was doing his best Dirk Nowitzki impersonation. Which leads me to my next point – they might be the same person or even more likely, twins. I know you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, this guy is out of his mind. That’s impossible, how dumb are you?” But listen up, it’s really not that far-fetched and it’s a conspiracy theory that I have now come to believe. Rather than focusing on the last couple of minutes of the thrilling game and listening to Jim Jackson scream about a rebound off a free throw or something of the like, I started doing research and I think I struck gold. Just take these enclosed pictures of teenage Dirk and current-day Coble as perfect evidence. In fact, I thought they were the same picture until I noticed teenage Dirk’s unbelievably sweet hoop earring (why did he ever get rid of that?). If you’re still wondering how they could be twins given the age discrepancy, I’ll try my best to explain and do it as quickly as possible. What I came up with is that first and foremost they were separated at birth and both were put up for adoption by their German parents. Dirk was adopted by another German family, while Coble would be adopted by an American family. A bowl-cutted Dirk would grow up to be drafted into the NBA as only a teen, while Kevin would get the shorter end of the stick and be not quite as good at the game of basketball. When things didn’t quite pan out for Kevin after high school and he didn’t have any scholarship offers, he decided to look elsewhere and joined the army. After Kevin completed training, rather than being deployed, he was asked to be a part of an army cryogenics experiment, to which he agreed. Kevin was frozen in time, forgotten, and would not be found for a couple of years. When he was finally discovered by a young boy named Nat in a vacant warehouse and taken to the boy’s home to secretly live in a tree house, he rediscovered his passion for the game of basketball. (If all this sounds to you like the plot from Forever Young, it kind of is. You see, Forever Young is based on a true story. The true story that is Kevin Coble’s life). From there, Coble found his way to the Northwestern campus and joined the basketball team. Still not a believer? Well then, I don’t know what to tell you. Personally, I tend to believe that they’re the same person. I mean, have you ever seen the two in the same room?

-Stiles